These last two nights have been hell for me. I don't know what I did (or what God is doing) in my soul, but whatever is happening is stirring up my enemy. Tuesday night at my bible study I had some real breakthroughs in my walk with God. For what feels like years God and I have been duking it out, over what, I am unsure. I've been wrestling with him hard, and even though I don't like to admit it, I'm getting tired.
Tuesday night I had horrible nightmares and woke up covered in fear, but by the morning light had come...and joy with it.
Last night was much harder. My nightmare's were straight up terrifying. I woke up with the sensation that Satan was standing over me, gloating. All the feelings I felt- that I belonged to him and not God, that I was a hopeless mess, that the Holy Spirit wasn't living and active in me- came at me full force and I could feel my enemies joy at his great success. I think that was more terrifying than the dream, and it made me cry.
Then, in the perfection of the Holy Spirit, a verse came to me from the Micah 7 and calmed me:
Do not gloat over me, my enemy!
Though I have fallen, I will rise.
Though I have fallen, I will rise.
Though I sit in darkness,
the LORD will be my light.
Because I have sinned against him,
I will bear the LORD’s wrath,
until he pleads my case
and upholds my cause.
He will bring me out into the light;
I will see his righteousness.
Then my enemy will see it
and will be covered with shame,
she who said to me,
“Where is the LORD your God?”
My eyes will see her downfall;
even now she will be trampled underfoot
like mire in the streets.
the LORD will be my light.
Because I have sinned against him,
I will bear the LORD’s wrath,
until he pleads my case
and upholds my cause.
He will bring me out into the light;
I will see his righteousness.
Then my enemy will see it
and will be covered with shame,
she who said to me,
“Where is the LORD your God?”
My eyes will see her downfall;
even now she will be trampled underfoot
like mire in the streets.
Isn't it funny how Satan's greatest measures to draw you away from God will be the very things that make you run toward him? He has no power over me, and the more he drags me away from my Father the swifter I will be to flee him.
I think God is allowing spiritual warfare so that I can be reminded just how good it feels to run into His arms.
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